Can I forget?

you know how certain things when you don't think about it... it doesn't matter but when in a certain place and time when you hear the name or description... it just revokes old feelings again?

like hatred..

for the first ten seconds... the brain just like shuts off everything.. everything warm and remotely nice has ceased to exist and you are like thinking through a tunnel focusing on this intense feeling.. your adrenaline is pumping.. your brain is clear.. your face feels hot.. the crick in your neck from the lack of sleep is forgotten..

the next couple of minutes will be spend reliving the incidents that causes the hate and then you start your sick fantasy on how you want to repay the perpetrator...

after you are done.. after you have done sweeping away all the blood (in your mind) .. you go back to your daily lives.. sometimes feeling guilty.. but most of the time feeling good..

what ? you don't hate ? oh.. right you only dislike intensely.. sure.. put it any way you want..

however in the end.. i believe that some things when given a lot of time ... a lot of distraction and a little will power to let go.. you can recover from it.. most people refuse to let go.. thats why they can't heal..

i admit that i can't let go of this feeling.. i like to nurse upon it.. perharps feed it a little and a little.. its so wrong but it feels darn good..

excuse me while i go for some target practice..